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Decadence & Depravity

Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.

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  2007.09.09  23.53
Follow the White Rabbit...

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One day Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree. "Which road do I take?" She asked. "Where do you want to go?" Was his response. "I don't know," Alice answered. "Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."

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  2007.08.09  02.01
Creaming Jesus

I have been looking for this forever.



  2007.07.28  01.14

It has been months since my last entry...

My world has changed beyond recognition

It is so beautiful now

I don't think I have ever been this happy



  2007.03.22  23.21
Petals of Flesh

This review shall destroy me. I am so desperate to keep control for as long as I can. But my lack of sleep is making me hallucinate. My sanity is slipping through my fingers.

I'm fucked



  2007.03.22  23.19
Fight. Fuck. Love. Lust

Black. coffee. french. toast. nausea. insomnia. lost. hope. tears. tissues. false. lashes. fake. hair. empty. cold. lonely. used. 40. hours. and. counting. red. rose. violet. bruise. broken. nails. ripped. dress. self. loathing. spider. web. snow. flake. empty. veins. teeth. marks. casual. sex. love. bites. tick. tock. tick. tock. it. never. fucking. stops. where. has. all. my. time. gone. pretty. vaccant. pretty. fucked. dawn. breaks. dusk. falls. butterfly. kisses. she's. not. here. answer. the. fucking. phone. baby. girl. violent. masturbation. scar. tissue. she. pushes. people. away. hopless. backwards. breathy. vocals. holding. hands. struggling. desperately. worthless. fragile. delicate. she. wakes. up. alone

Fight me, Fuck me

I can't tell the diference anymore


Mood: numb

  2007.03.13  22.12

Miaow Kittens,

I just bought my Download ticket

I am so far beyond delighted



  2007.03.13  19.59

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  2007.03.08  00.06

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I have no idea where all my time goes


Mood: Disorientated

  2007.03.06  20.35


This is so fucking awesome.

I am so fucking delighted

Jesus christ, with Marilyn Manson, Velvet Revolver, Slayer, Lamb of God, Dimmu Borgir, Korn, Devil Driver, Killswitch Engage and Motley Crue this is getting so bloody close to my ideal lineup

93 days to go bitches



  2007.03.05  21.47

Some photographs...

Far more to come...

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Hold up, wait a minute, put a little love in itCollapse )

Mood: drained

  2007.03.05  21.41

My Parisian photography to come soon

But for now a capture of my precious little Soda Dreamer

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Mood: sleepy

  2007.02.23  13.50
Slip of the Tongue

So it seems that weeks of never quite recovering from illness have finally caught up with me. So I am now medicated in sweet anticipation for Paris.

I choose to spend the rest of the day in bed, in my underwear, listening to Whitesnake and playing on the PS2.

Absolute Perfection


"Girl, you'd shame the Devil
With that look that's in your eyes"

Mood: content

  2007.02.18  19.14
Howie's Party

To be honest, I cant really remember much about last night. I remember starting to drink at about 5, and then getting ready whilst steadily getting drunker and drunker. I then had to get in a car with my Curts mum, holding my breath so she couldnt smell the alcohol on me. And then had to wait outsid in the cold for a fucking hour, however, I do remember being fascinated with this board that had staples in it, it felt so awesome to touch. I vaguely remember being introduced to Leigh's brother, who looks nothing like I thought he would. BUT THEN Leigh pointed out Jez from peep show, or a rather bloody convincing double of him and me and Becks managed to get a picture. I remember being inside, I remember buying drinks, I remember briefly saying "hi" to people, I remember drinking, I remember dancing on stage, I refuse to remember certain events ahaha, I do remember it was an awesome night though. Everyone there was amazing. The atmosphere was incredible. I adored the smoke and grimeyness. Although I did feel a little "delicate" today. But a day tucked up in bed watching re-runs of friends and the entire hollyoaks omnibus helped greatly. Hmmm I think I'm going to snuggle up on the sofa with a duvet and a mug of tea...ahhh heaven

Party BabyCollapse )

Mood: lethargic

  2007.02.18  12.46

I drink too much




  2007.02.16  17.50

And a couple more...Collapse )

Mood: nostalgic

  2007.02.16  17.01

BabyCollapse )

Mood: nostalgic

  2007.02.14  23.58
Valentines Day

Drank a bottle of Jack daniels and masturbated till i passed out

Best Valentines Ever



  2007.02.08  20.16
Snow day

Its snowed today :)

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SnowflakeCollapse )


  2007.02.03  14.59

ca·thar·sis (k-thärss)
n. pl. ca·thar·ses (-sz)
1. Medicine Purgation, especially for the digestive system.
2. A purifying or figurative cleansing of the emotions, especially pity and fear.
3. A release of emotional tension, as after an overwhelming experience, that restores or refreshes the spirit.
4. Psychology
a. A technique used to relieve tension and anxiety by bringing repressed feelings and fears to consciousness.
b. The therapeutic result of this process; abreaction

Reality hit me pretty hard today

And by that I mean like a sledge hammer to the face

Panic attacks have such a horrific way of exposing weaknesses on every level. I feel so humiliated. So exposed. However, my lack of dignity is replaced with clarity. I am so weak, and ever so bruised. Utterly disgusted with myself. I don't know why it took me so long to realise. My eyes are raw and my throat is still bleeding. But wounds heal, and tears are replaced. My body is my canvas and I have healed wounds larger than these. I just need time to stitch myself back together. I'm just more alone than I could have ever imagined. So desperately vulnerable. I'm so fucking scared.



  2006.12.04  21.30

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The pieces are starting to fall into place again.

It looks like I shall be living in Ireland for a while

I am beyond delighted


Mood: loved

  2006.11.24  20.20

My stitches itch...Collapse )

Mood: a little less alone

  2006.11.22  23.23

xXxCollapse )


  2006.11.22  23.05

I desperately don't want to be alone tonight

I don't trust myself anymore

xXxCollapse )

Mood: alone

  2006.11.22  01.07


People who think anagrams are funny. I hate them so much."


Mood: amused

  2006.11.21  22.55

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I guess that is the reason he's with her and not me



Mood: Hideous

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